Moving to a new city alone

The first week is about making the place feel like yours. Unpack properly rather than living out of boxes, then get out and walk. Find your nearest supermarket, a café you like, a park you could run or sit in, and the quickest route to work or the station.

If you're still deciding, it helps to know that settling in alone is very doable, and that the first few months are usually the hardest part. People who move for a job have a ready-made routine and colleagues from day one; people who move without one should plan a little more structure into their first weeks.

Visiting first, if you can, makes a big difference. Spend a weekend walking around the neighbourhoods you're considering, find the high street, the park and the station, and picture a normal Tuesday evening there. A place that feels easy to live in day to day matters more than one that looks exciting on a Saturday night.

A routine is what turns a strange place into home, and it's also how you start meeting people. Use the same café, the same gym and the same market most weeks, and you'll soon recognise faces and be recognised back.

Then add one regular social thing in the first month: a weekly parkrun, a running club, a class, a choir, a sports league or volunteering with the same group. Pick something close to where you live, so it's easy to keep going when the novelty wears off.

A few small decisions early on make a big difference later. Get to know your local area on foot before you rely on public transport for everything: you'll spot the cafés, parks and noticeboards that become part of your routine. Sign up to your local council's newsletter or website for events, and look for a residents' association or a park friends group where you live.

Try to say yes to one new thing every week for the first two months, even small ones: a talk at the library, a quiz night, a free museum late, a walk with a colleague. Not every one will lead anywhere, but the more often you're out and about, the faster the city starts to feel familiar.

Keep a note of the people you meet and what you talked about. It sounds odd, but when you see someone again, remembering their name and what they were up to turns a passing hello into a proper conversation.

Almost everyone who moves somewhere new alone has evenings where it feels like a mistake. That feeling usually peaks a few weeks in, once the excitement has faded and the routine hasn't fully formed yet. It isn't a sign that you made the wrong choice.

Keep in touch with friends and family back home, but try not to let calls replace going out. Plan small things for the weekend in advance, so you're not deciding on a Saturday afternoon whether to bother. If the loneliness feels heavy or doesn't lift, talking to your GP is a sensible step, and organisations like Mind and the Samaritans are there to listen.

The people you're most likely to become friends with are the ones you see repeatedly, close to home. So the most useful thing you can do is say yes to invitations, keep going back to the same places, and make the first move with a specific plan: 'I'm going to the market on Saturday, fancy coming?' is much easier to say yes to than 'we should hang out'.

Work can help too: say yes to the after-work drink and the team lunch, even if you only stay for one. Colleagues who are also new to the city are often looking for the same thing you are.

If you work from home, it's even more important to build contact into your week. Work from a café or the library one day a week, join a gym class at the same time each week, or find a coworking space nearby. Seeing the same people regularly is what matters, wherever it happens.

In a big city it helps to think small. London in particular is easier as a set of villages than as one huge place, so focus on the neighbourhood you live in first. Our London area pages list good places to meet people in each borough, and new to London: meeting people in your first month has a week-by-week plan.

Moving to Birmingham? Our Birmingham page covers each neighbourhood, from Digbeth to Moseley, and how to make friends in Birmingham goes into more detail.

If you don't know anyone yet, an app can make the first hello easier. On PingMee you post a status saying what you're up for ('New to the area, anyone up for a walk?'), see people nearby within the distance you choose, and send a ping. If they ping back, a private chat opens for the two of you.

Nobody sees your exact location, only an approximate distance, and nothing private opens until you both accept. You choose what you're open to, such as new friends or networking, and it's free on iPhone and Android. See how meeting people nearby works, and keep the first meet-up short and public: our safety checklist covers what to do.